Maintaining Like a Mother…
I’ve been maintaining this thing called life for a while. Why?
The easy answer is “Because I’m good at it.”
Most women are. From a young age maintaining is a goal we are taught to aim at. Especially those that have parents pushing their sweet young children into the American Dream that sometimes feels like a nightmare.
“To be happy in life” many of us are taught that means we need to marry a person of the opposite gender, buy a house that is a little too big and outside our budget, have some kids, a pet or two, and work for a “good” company.
No help.
Just us doing it all.
In order to get there, the little girls are taught they need to maintain their youthful looks. Keep their emotions in check in public, learn to cook from scratch, and keep the house clean enough to eat off the floors. Being a good mama is the number one priority over anything else, including ourselves.
I only got half of that message.
My mom didn’t give it to me but society did.
Now, little boys are taught their own set of impossible rules but I can’t speak to that. I can only speak to the baggage of the men I’ve dated that stems from the same place. Keep your emotions and feelings in check (aka don’t have them), provide for your family at all costs, have a good public image, and mowing the yard is your job. I ain’t mad at that last one! Haha
The place I maintained the most is my career.
Now part of that is my own fault. I had limiting beliefs I didn’t know I had. It seemed impossible to be a single woman with a child and obtain a high-level, high-paying job in a corporate environment. It would be years before I even asked myself if that was what I wanted instead of what I was supposed to want.
The women I saw fulfilling those roles had help with outside obligations so it seemed. They missed some sports events and I had the nerve to judge them for it. That is hard to admit but it’s true. Most women judge others based on what we were taught a successful woman is supposed to do, look like, or act like.
And the other part of the answer is that, honestly, growth is hard.
Sometimes I just don’t have the energy to find a new rhythm that allows me to grow.
Being single with a child still at home, ensuring healthy and allergy-free meals are available, working to create (and clean) a home that I love, and caring for our needy cats are a few full-time jobs already.
Then dare I throw in exercise, socialization with my friends, and the strong drive I have to build an empire to leave for my children (and maybe the cats if they outlive me!)? I’m not even going to talk about the added effort of dating these days. That is a conversation for another day.
The truth is, we terrace our growth.
We have upward growth that can feel so hard. It’s somewhere between a steep hill and scaling the side of a mountain with only one of those hikers’ pickaxe things and the constant reminder to not look down. Somehow, thankfully, we reach the top.
Then we experience a period of maintaining that position where we catch our breath. This is where we solidify the things we have done to get there. To master skills so they are second nature (how many of us drive on autopilot as we go home from work?) and no longer require extreme effort.
The next upward climb feels slightly less precarious because we’ve added a thing or two to our tool belt. We know there is rest and recuperation waiting for us on the other side. So we climb. We grow.
So, yes. I can maintain like a mother (you know what) any day of the week. It’s deep seeded in my training from this world.
But some days I wake up dreaming of a better life, a more fulfilling life. And that is what I strive for, even on the days I have to settle for maintaining my current state.
My toolbag is packed and ready for whatever adventure comes my way. I’m looking for the next part of the climb. Thankful even when I’m cussing about the struggle because I know.
I know what awaits ahead is awesome.
Are you maintaining to recuperate or are you stagnating?
Peace and love,
Teresea
Photo credit: Unsplash; Lee Wright
