3 Tips for a Better Relationship with Yourself
When it comes to relationships, we all have probably heard “the most important relationship you can have is with yourself.” It sounds cheesy but it’s true. If our relationship with ourselves is crap, so will our other relationships. How we treat ourselves directly impacts how we treat others and how we allow them to treat us.
For those of you that have been around awhile, you know I’m big on boundaries. If we have no boundaries, it’s like the wild west up in our lives. It isn’t as cool as it sounds, trust me! It’s not like Tombstone where the lawless people coming into our lives are taken care of by a group of attractive men with good hearts, quick hands, and good aim. In real life, we have to be our own saviors.
You first have to start with a good self-assessment. I’m a quiz taker 100%! I just started a new book and the introduction had a 20-question quiz. Not only did I take it, I immediately had to share the results with some friends. Yes, I know I’m a nerd but that is ok. (P.S. This is our current book for the book club so look for a review for it soon in the Book Review section)
Quiet - Susan Cain
The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
There are a million questions you can ask yourself…let’s start with these.
What are your expectations for yourself and your life?
Do you look for “better” things in life?
This doesn’t mean you need a sports car or mansion.
It is as simple as a nice car with air conditioning and windows that work instead of driving a hooptie with plastic over the broken windows just because “it works.”
Do you ever say no or ask for more?
Don’t accept something less than you are worth.
Bottom of the barrel homemade moonshine versus a mid-level bourbon from the store. It probably tastes better and is less likely to kill you.
How do you care for yourself?
Do you treat your body and mind with respect?
Do you eat healthy(ish)?
Do you work out?
Do you talk to yourself with compassion or hatred?
Do you “treat yo’ self” or do you deny yourself?
Denying yourself a slice of pizza because of calorie counting just makes you want it more.
Allow yourself to have compromises in your life. Starbucks can be expensive every day but treating yourself to a cup on payday is totally reasonable.
How do you allow yourself to be treated?
Do the people in your life respect you and your time?
If people in your life expect you to be the one to do all the errands because you have flexible work hours, that is disrespectful of your commitment to work and you end up with a workday that feels like it never ends.
Are you supported and nurtured by your people?
Do you get encouragement for your decisions (big or small)?
When you have a shitty time in life, do your friends bring you dinner and wine, then sit quietly on the porch with you?
How do I know these things work to build a good relationship with yourself?
Because I’ve tested them and live by them daily. They also make your relationships with others richer because you know who you are.
In the transition to single life about a decade ago, I was in the mindset of buying the cheapest version of (insert whatever item here) so that I wouldn’t have to worry about overspending. This meant LOTS of thrift store shopping (which I still love!) and coordinating items rather than buying a set of something.
Now that I’ve roughly doubled my income, I’m in a different mindset and financial category. When I need new sheets, kitchen towels, or dishes, I don’t feel like my ONLY option is a thrift store or bargain market. Those king-size sheets I bought from Big Lots for $20 were not the deal I hoped for…they were terrible and I hated them every time I put them on the bed.
Eventually, I said to hell with that and bought a wonderfully rated set on Amazon that the color and feel were great. I didn’t buy them until they went on sale and they were a reward for meeting a goal I set but still, I knew I was worth the sheets.
This “treat” of nice sheets helped me enjoy my bed more than I did before. I felt good getting in bed, looking at how pretty the bed was, and in a weird way, I knew I was respecting myself by allowing the splurge on new sheets without guilt.
100% Cat approved purchase!
Don’t keep living in the hectic wild west. Don’t let the romanticism of poker games, whiskey shots, and hot gunslingers tempt you into thinking it is a good fit for you. Or at least one you can endure. It’s a treacherous and hard terrain that leaves many broken and with short life spans. You might end up with a wonderful horse but it’s not likely you will find the gold you were told is in the hills.
Let me know in the comments what resonates with you and where you are ready to start making changes.
Peace and love,
Teresea
Photo credit: SusanCain.Net, Teresea Patton
