Know what? You do NOT have to be what society deems as a “good girl.” 

Our society places value on individuals that take risk, seek entrepreneurship, and display creativity. BUUUUUUT it also sends women messages to be a hard worker that doesn’t speak up, a mother that sacrifices her needs for her family, and a friend that never says no. The fake appearance of this self can drain your happiness faster than anything else.  

What is that? 

What do I mean by a good girl? 

This refers to society’s expectations of how a woman “should” be experienced. This includes the way she looks, talks, responds to her surroundings, and how she performs in an everyday situation. 

When you are labeled as a good girl you:

• Like to please others

• Don’t want to get in trouble

• Seek extra validation

• You’re quiet and do not stand out

• Do you make reasonable “demands” within existing parameters

• You are looking for the stamp of approval

• Follow instructions and don’t try to be too creative or unrealistic

• You probably strive to be neat and tidy avoiding making any kind of mess

• You strive to meet expectations. People expect that you are a certain way and if not then you are not good enough or didn’t make enough effort.

Some of the most often used adjectives to describe desirable women are compassionate, warm, cheerful, soft-spoken, and loyal-according to a study done by Stanford.

Unfortunately, gender bias starts REAL early in childhood.

Children learn to please people around them so they don’t get negative feedback for their behavior. How many times have you heard (or said) “be a good girl and you’ll get (insert reward here)” in your life? I hate to tell you but you (and I) have perpetuated this stereotypical BS and are cleaning the glass ceiling so we won’t see that it is still there. 

• Some of the typical “feminine” characteristics lead people to take advantage and test boundaries.

• Some of the typical “masculine” characteristics cause people to label you as too confident, too outgoing, too bossy

• Pleasing others can drain us and leave us terrified and exhausted.... so why do we continue to force ourselves to be something that we are not?

Rachel Simmons did a lot of work with middle school girls and to be honest….it seems like a lot of grown-ass women are all still acting like middle school girls at times. When girls say I got an A versus she gave me a C- this is taking it personally instead of looking at your performance. It assumes the other person is doing something TO you rather than thinking it was something YOU had control over. 

Three social customs that emerge from good girl pressure: 

• The belief that conflict is personal and ends relationships

• The message against claiming one's strengths 

• The indirect aggression girls are infamous for 

As young girls in school, we started the process of “learning” that conflict is personal. Eventually we need to view conflict rather than a means to grow and improve. We censor our words to avoid conflict, hurting someone else’s feelings, or seeming to be too opinionated. As women, we need to stop doing this and speak our truth. 

Peace and Love,

Teresea

Photo credit: Unsplash