What happens when so much good is happening in your life but you are still feeling discombobulated?

We know about the quarter-life crisis and the midlife crisis that happens after 50, but what happens when you have a crisis in your early 40s and it lasts through what feels like forever and a day? 

What do you call that kind of crisis? 

It’s like this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Knowing this isn’t the direction you need to be going but also have no clue where to go. Or what direction to take. 

When you look at your relationships, they are on point. Cool new friends that keep you growing in the right direction. Great relationships with those who played such a fucking huge part of growing up. Maybe you have even found your person and have a true healthy relationship for the first time ever. 

Now it’s the question of what are you going to do with that knowledge now? 

I wrote all of this as “you” but it’s also “me.” I found my direction, my peace, but it was tragically taken from me. 

Now what?

How can I be who I need to be for my family, my friends, my lover, the people, and myself?

For me, this has meant a hard look at what I do for all the people above. The biggest and hardest commitments to look at have been to myself. There are more things I want to do than I have time to do them. 

We all go through periods in our lives when we don’t feel like ourselves. Feeling restless or out of sorts, we wonder if there’s something wrong with us. Those feelings may feel unfamiliar, they’re actually signs that your body is sending you, and it’s time to pay attention. 

Your body is trying to tell you something, and it’s up to you to decipher what it is. It’s tempting to ignore the small irritations and focus on the big picture. Doing so can make things much worse. Take it from the expert on stuffing your feelings…if you ignore the small annoyances and focus on the big picture, you end up making matters worse. 

So, how can I/you handle the situation differently?

Start with your schedule- this helps you/me see what you are actually doing with time and commitments. If you have committed to 168 hours a week for work and family/social obligations, you are screwed. Do you want to know why? There are only 168 hours in a week. You literally have no time for sleep. 

In order to have joy, you have to do something that creates joy in your life. Something that is fun and allows you to get out of that flight or fight response (you know that mental list of “I dropped off the kid, now I have to get to the bank, order groceries on my way into the office, work, pick up the kid, pick up groceries, cook dinner…and what else what I supposed to do today?”). When was the last time you tried something new for fun? What about the hobbies you loved so much a few years ago? 

(I found this cool article on self-esteem and self-love through photography. It’s a quick read and is interesting.)

Focusing on the negatives will keep you stuck in a rut. Focusing on the stressful things will keep you in a state of fear. Focusing on the “what’s going to go wrong next?” will keep you in a state of worry. I’m not saying go to the opposite end of the spectrum and think everything is just peachy. BUT I am saying to try looking for good things, expecting good things, let some shit go when it’s not helping you. The other day I did this and it felt so good! 

On the way to school and the office, the traffic line was long and I needed to turn left. So,I got into the turning lane early. Someone honked at me and got over behind me. I smiled and waved as I said “Good morning!” It felt so good. Then it went out of my mind. 

A year ago, I would have given that lady some explicatives that would make a sailor proud. It would have put me in a bad mood all day. 

1. Review your commitments. Do they leave you any time for yourself?

2. What do you do for fun and relaxation? 

3. Where are you focusing your thoughts and energy? 

These things help me make adjustments so I can do the things that fulfill my soul. Allowing me to be good to those in my life without compromising myself. I know they can help you too.

Peace and Love,

Teresea

Photo credit: Lee Wright, Teresea Patton