In order to break the cycle of self-judgment, we first need to be able to recognize it. For most of us, it happens so often that we don’t even notice when we do it.  How can that be? Well, how many of us are aware of how many times we say “um” when giving a speech? Ummmm...it makes sense now. 

What is self-judgment?

You need to know this so you can look for it in your life. This is when you have thoughts about yourself or your actions that cause emotions that negatively affect you. Typically you will start feeling anxious, depressed, or even get angry at yourself for thinking or doing something. Many times negative self-talk accompanies these thoughts as they are like two peas in a pod. Have you ever thought “how stupid am I for doing that?” or “only an idiot would do that!” when you made a mistake? (I see some lights coming on for you now.)

What are the impacts of self-judgment?

There are so many detrimental effects of this behavior that I can only begin to scratch the surface of them. I will talk about the ones I’ve seen impact my friends as well as ones I have dealt with. When you spend so much time being critical of yourself, you lose your purpose in life, you become less courageous and your self worth becomes extinct. Soon you find yourself in a constant state of worry and anxiety and life is soon very miserable for you and those around you.

This cycle is hard to break but these steps are some of the easiest out there. Here are some of my tips to get started on the path to a happier life.

• Find at least one thing you are good at every day.

  • Pay attention to what others compliment you on to help you get started. 

  • Look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself “I am good at…”

• List five things you are grateful for each day (should be events or things you noticed in the last 24 hours). 

• Question your judgment.

  • If you tell yourself you are a terrible cook, who are you comparing yourself to? Your mom or the Pioneer Woman? Those are drastically different measurements. 

  • What could change this judgment? Is there a way to learn the skill that is baffling you?

• Forgive your negative thoughts. 

  • When you have a negative thought, stop and say “I forgive myself for that thought.”Truly forgive yourself, even if you have to say it several times. 

  • Habits are comforting so it’s hard to get rid of them when they helped us cope for years. 

  • Give yourself grace when making changes.

• Say something good about yourself out loud. Every. Single. Day. 

  • I am beautiful.

  • I am smart.

  • I am capable. 

  • I am special. 

Peace and love,

Teresea

Photo Credit: Unsplash