Am I a Bad Mom?
Most days I feel like I’m a pretty good mom. There are days where I want to make pancakes from scratch and have cookies with breakfast. I want to make great memories with my kids since we are not a two-parent home. Then there are days I just want to tell my kids if they can’t make it themselves, then they just don’t eat it. I’m not always in the mood to make cookies at their beck and call.
So that leaves me wondering on those days, am I a bad mom?
Watching Bad Moms Christmas got me to thinking about the responsibility we have as a mom while also being true to ourselves. It’s even harder when it’s a split family I think.
We put so much effort into being the good mom on our days with our kids, we reserve the “off days” to cram in the chores we didn’t get done, socializing with our friends, trying to date, finding time for self-care, and tasks of whatever other “hats” we wear daily.
It’s impossible to do it all perfectly…
much less do it the way someone else thinks is perfect so why not do it the way that makes us happy? A happy, honest mom has got to be 100 times better than a cranky mom that is stressed to the point that she’s like a rubber band about to snap and take someone’s eye out! Right?!?!?!
For more years than I care to think about I spent holidays rushing from house to house and was so thankful to go back to work so I could rest. As a kid, my holidays were split between many houses so I did that with my kids-that is what I knew how to do. At least until my life took a big free fall off a cliff. After a short and terrible year of marriage, it had ended. My parents and I were on the outs so no typical family gatherings.
What the hell should I do now?
I decided to spend a Thanksgiving with my friends and the ones that cared about me and my kid. The ones that spent so many other days and nights at my house laughing, cooking, and shedding tears as all good friends do. Thanksgiving 2002 was the BEST holiday ever. Christmas that year was also pretty epic.
The chaos came back when I got married again. I did what was expected of the wife and mother of commercialized holidays. Soon I fell back into the pattern of being a good girl and trying to please people. Like most women, I listened to society instead of my gut.
WHY DO WE DO THIS?!?!!?
Eventually, I got divorced again...looking back at how I tried to change for this guy, it really isn’t surprising it didn’t last forever. So once again, I decided to do things my way. Holidays were mine to take back (that was before the movie declared to take Christmas back!) and do them how I wanted. This was a return to my sanity and I vowed I would NEVER go back!
In the last few years, I have come to realize that I can be myself and be the best mom that I can be. Not the best mom others think I need to be but the mom I need to be.
Thankfully 2020 gave me even more time to think about who I am and what bad habits were still lingering.
I hope you have done the same- or will after reading this.
The things I learned about being a “bad mom” in 2020:
Homemade cookies are overrated and undercooked. It’s about time doing something together-even if that is eating store-bought cookies while watching anime instead of the traditional required Christmas watch list.
Your home does not have to be decked out to the fullest to have an amazingly cheerful house.
Letting your kids see you...the real you...will set them up to be less stressed adults. They can learn to balance their wants and needs with those around them.
It is ok to start new traditions when the ones you have had no longer make you happy.
Boundaries are always important and especially (or maybe even more necessary than usual) when you have to deal with family.
Whatever Holidays you celebrate, I hope it is all that YOU want it to be this year and for all the years to come.
Embrace your “bad mom” self and enjoy.
Peace and love,
Teresea
